Eclair Uzumaki oh shit
by FunahoMisaki
Summary: Éclair died one day...and was reborn...in a different galaxy...on a different planet...with a slightly different appearance...and dreams of her past life...and training to be a ninja...and lots of new friends or allies at least...and getting her memory and abilities back...while the E.S. are looking for her...and find her...and coming to Konoha to stay...oh shit. Sasuke bashing
1. Chapter 1

**Naruto and Kiddy Grade Crossover**

**By: FunahoMisaki**

**(A/N: I own nothing and this will be an OOC FEM!Naruto with some bashings.)**

_'Éclair!' A pale skinned woman with blond hair and deep blue eyes yells as the auburn haired teen fell to the ground dying._

_ 'Don't worry mama. I'll be fine.' Éclair said trying to stand without much success as the blond haired woman rushed to her and scooped the dying girl into her arms._

_ 'Don't worry Éclair. I promise that when you're reborn we'll find you as soon as we can.' The blond said as a miss-matched group of people rushed to crowd around the dying girl. The girl died a moment later with a smile on her lips and in the blonds arms, the last thing she heard being the sound of the blond crying and screaming her name._

A blond haired girl named Éclair Uzumaki shot up in her ratty bed as the dream ended.

"That's one strange dream and her name. It was the same as mine is." Éclair, commonly thought to be a boy called Naruto, says sighing to herself. She had been having these strange dreams ever since she turned three and she was now twelve and about to graduate from the ninja academy, but this was the first time she ever heard the auburn haired girls' name.

"I need to clear my head." Éclair said as she got out of her bed and put on the hideous orange jumpsuit that she was forced to wear as she pretended to be a boy and went for a walk around Konoha despite how late at night it was.

"What the- Not again!" Éclair yelled turning to run from a group of drunken men that were chasing her with knives and all. The tiny (due to malnutrition) twelve year old was fast but was soon trapped in an alleyway, not knowing that there was a blond woman walking through Konoha looking for a certain someone.

"Time to die demon!" One of the men slurred throwing his knife at the female Jinchurikin that saw the blade coming towards her head but was frozen stiff with fear and a sense of familiarity. Memories of a past life she had dreamt about in her sleep flashed before the young girls' eyes before she returned to present day with a hard look in her eyes and a scowl on her face. The young girl that was really thousands of years old easily ducked under the knife and grabbed it by the handle just before it soared over her head as she scowled at the drunken men who were now looking pretty shocked for being drunk.

"Here. I think you dropped this!" Éclair said throwing the knife back at the man twice as fast as he threw at her, her aim was true as the knife pierced the man's thigh and caused him to shout in pain.

"You assholes call me a demon and yet you're the ones that are attacking a twelve year old girl! If I'm really Kyuubi-nee then wouldn't I have destroyed this shit stain called a village by now?!" Éclair yelled at the men glaring darkly at them for all the shit she's been through.Thankfully, since Hokage-jiji had her hide the fact she was female, she hadn't been raped or molested but she was sick and tired of all the absolute bull shit she's been put through with this damn village and with her newly recovered memories and abilities she wasn't going to be their scapegoat and punching bag anymore.

"What's going on here- Éclair!" The blond woman known as Eclipse says shocked at being able to find the reborn E.S. member in such a situation.

"Hey Chief! Bout time you found me!" Éclair said grinning at the woman like how she used to in her past life. The moment she looked away from them one of the drunken men tried to stab her with a kunai he had gotten from Kami knows where. Éclair sensed the oncoming attack and ducked under the swipe before lashing out with a sharp backwards snap kick to the man's nuts, causing all the drunken men to wince while the one that had been kicked was left singing soprano and with a gender change, and she did all of this without so much as glancing at them.

"Nice to see you still have your strength and instincts, Éclair." The blond woman, Eclipse, said smirking at what the now blond haired girl, that had natural red streaks in her hair, had done in the span of three seconds.

"Thanks! It's about time you ANBU got here!" Éclair said beaming at Eclipse before glaring at the masked figures that suddenly appeared around the young girl.

"My apologies Uzumaki-sama. We had not noticed you had left your apartment till just a moment ago and then we came to your aid as quickly as we could." A woman with a dragon mask said kneeling to the young girl whose eyebrow began twitching at the sound of her current last name and the womans demeanor. It didn't help when the rest of the ANBU kneeled to the girl as well and Eclipse broke out laughing.

"I've heard you be called many things, Éclair, but 'sama' was not one of them." Eclipse said desperately trying to stifle her chuckles behind her hand.

"Not funny Eclipse. How many times have I told you guys not to call me 'sama'? It's just Éclair." Éclair said mock glaring at the blond woman before turning an exasperated look to the ANBU.

"Exactly four hundred and thirty six times to date Uzu-er Éclair-sama." A black haired woman wearing a raven mask said changing from the last name to the young girls first name at the sight of the glare she was receiving.

"Then stop with the 'sama' already!" Éclair said throwing her hands into the air exasperated and causing Eclipse to laugh again, which earned her a playful glare from the twelve year old.

"My apologizes Éclair-sama but we cannot do that as you're the crown princess of Whirlpool and it would be disrespectful of us to call you anything other than 'sama' or 'dono' even though Whirlpool was destroyed." The dragon masked woman said still kneeling to the young girl who let out a frustrated sigh and pouted adorably at them.

"KAWAII!" The female ANBUs and Eclipse yelled trying to glomp Éclair since she looked so adorable with her whisker marks and golden amber eyes set into a pout. She looked more like a seven year old than a twelve year old so that didn't really help… The yell caused Éclair to yelp slightly before ducking behind the only two male ANBU in the group.

"Help." Éclair begged the two males who instantly grabbed the young girl and shunsun'd out of there, much to the females' anger and frustration.

"As your captain I order you two to get back here and bring Éclair-sama back with you!" The dragon masked woman ordered knowing that the two males and one preteen could hear her even if they were all the way across the village.

"NO FRIGGIN FAIR!" Éclair yelled as the two men were forced to bring her back to the cooing women that stopped trying to glomp her at the more than slightly peeved look on her face.

"What is going on here!?" An old man in white and red robes wearing a large hat demands as he and another squad of ANBU show up on top of the nearby roofs.

"Hi Jiji!" Éclair said waving at the man happily as she sat on one of the male ANBUs shoulders. It seemed that no matter how big she got, the quite turtle masked man could still carry her easily on his shoulders.

"Éclair-chan are you alright?" The old man who was none other than the Sandaime Hokage Hiruzen Sarutobi asks looking at the young girl worriedly.

"I'm fine Jiji and I'm dropping the act too." Éclair said grinning up at the Hokage impishly. He and her personal ANBU were the only ones who knew about her dreams of a past life, well the only adults. Most of the clan heirs, and two nice girls around her age she met in the park once were the only kids who knew.

"Judging from that grin I'd say you're still the 'Prank Mistress from Hell'. Huh, Éclair?" Eclipse asks smirking at her honorary daughter who grinned again.

"Yep. They call me the 'Prank Queen from Hell' instead of the 'Prank Mistress from Hell' though." Éclair said grinning foxily at all of them and causing Eclipse to snort in amusement.

"Who're you? I don't recognize you as one of the ninjas or civilians in the village?" The Sandaime asks narrowing his eyes at Eclipse.

"You remember how I told you about my strange dreams that turns out to be memories from my past lives?" Éclair asks her honorary grandfather going from childish and playful to dead serious in a nano second.

"Hai. She is someone from your past life then?" The Sandaime asks while several of the ANBU with him took the civilians that attacked Éclair to Anko and Ibiki.

"Yep. She was my boss and mother figure as well as the one who gave me my abilities." Éclair said causing Sarutobis eyes to widen in shock at that. He knew about Éclair's former abilities…and if this woman gave her those abilities…

"In that case. It's very nice to meet you ma'am." Sarutobi said tipping his hat to the blond woman who was now holding Éclair in her arms. How the preteen had gotten from the tall turtle masked males shoulder to the blond womans arms in the blink of an eye was left unknown.

"Nice to meet you as well. I don't know why those men were attacking Éclair but if she has no parents then I'd like to adopt her." Eclipse said hugging her reborn daughter figure to her tightly when another ANBU appeared and whispered something to the Hokage.

"Alright I'll explain everything to you, and her, after the council meeting that has just been called. That's also when I'll give you the adoption papers to fill out." Sarutobi said sighing tiredly at this as he motioned for them to follow him as he led the way towards the Council room.

"What is that demon doing here!?" A pink haired woman yells/asks causing all the ninjas, Éclair, and Eclipse to cover their ears at the screech.

"Damn and I thought your sonic screech was loud Éclair." Eclipse said rubbing her ears that were ringing with Éclair and Sarutobi nodding their agreement. Éclair snickered slightly, remembering when she had accidentally awakened that ability while in a verbal fight with Tweedledum, ah his face was hilarious.

"They call me a demon when she's part Howler Monkey…Er, no offense to the monkey summons Jiji." Éclair said massaging her ears lightly and causing Sarutobi to snort in amusement, along with the rest of the Shinobi in the room.

"I'm sure they would agree with you Éclair-chan. Haruno-sans voice is able to make their ears bleed if at full volume." Sarutobi said causing Éclair, Eclipse, and the Shinobi Council Members to snort in agreement or amusement, maybe both.

"Hi aunty Tsume! Hi uncles!" Éclair said waving to the Shinobi Council members who all voiced their hellos back with small smiles on their faces or merely nodded at her in some cases.

"Hey there Gaki! You coming over to the party next week? Kiba and Hana would love to see you again!" Tsume said with a bark like laughter as she grinned at Éclair whose entire face lit up at the word 'party' before she pouted up at Eclipse hopefully.

"Quit with the look Éclair, you know it doesn't work on me, and I know you'd go to the party whether I told you yes or no. As long as you don't get into the alcohol again I don't have a problem with it. If you do get into the alcohol then try not to bring down an entire neighborhood this time got it?" Eclipse asked with an amused smirk and roll of her eyes while Éclair pouted and the Council members eyebrows shot up.

"That happened once and because that bastard was trying to feel me up!" Éclair protested defensively and caused Eclipse to look a little irritated at what the 'bastard' had tried to do while the Civilian council was shocked at her language and the Shinobi council was curious as to how and when she brought down an entire neighborhood because of one guy.

"Oh? I don't recall you telling me about that when you informed me of the memories of your past life, Éclair?" Sarutobi asked raising an amused eyebrow at Éclair while Eclipse smirked.

"Way I see it through how she acts around you, she sees you as a grandfather figure. What girl would tell their grandfather that they got roaring drunk and brought down an entire neighborhood because of an idiot trying to cop a feel?" Eclipse asked raising an eyebrow at Sarutobi who thought about it briefly before merely nodding his acceptance of this answer.

"Past life? What are you talking about woman and who are you anyways?" Another arrogant council member asked eyeing Eclipse up and down as if she was a piece of meat even though he was already married.

"Oh you fat bastards are still here? I forgot about you. Terribly sorry. I tend to forget about arrogant idiots who aren't all that important." Eclipse said looking surprised at seeing the Civilian council members still there and causing them to fume while the Shinobi snickered since she had acted completely polite while insulting the Civilians.

"I have a feeling me and you are gonna get along just fine Blondie." Tsume said with a feral grin while Eclipse smirked and Éclair grinned just as ferally.

"Aunty Tsume, Uncles. Meet my mother figure and soon to be adoptive mother." Éclair said with a wide shit eating grin on her face.

"The name's Eclipse, Eclipse Kvant." Eclipse said smirking as all hell erupted when she finished talking.

"YAY! Mama caused hell!" Éclair exclaimed cackling evilly. Eclipse merely stared at Éclair for a minute before she began to cackle at the looks on the civilians faces.

"Ah hell now there's two of her so troublesome." Shikaku Nara said slamming his head into the table in front of him at the twin cackles the two girls were giving off; this caused the entire Shinobi council to snort or snicker in amusement.

"The village is doomed I tell you, doomed." Tsume said dramatically before cackling herself at the looks this got from several of the Shinobi council and all of the Civilian council.

"And they say that I'm the dramatic and crazy one." Éclair muttered under her breath to Eclipse who was snickering up a storm behind her lightly tanned hand.

"You are crazy Éclair or do you not remember the time when you decided it would be a good idea to start a gang war between two rival gangs at a fancy restaurant on your day off?" Eclipse asked her daughter with a small grin adorning her face while everyone merely stared at a sheepish looking Éclair again.

"That was an accident and you know it! Ricki is the one who made me wear the stupid lipstick and that guy tried to get fresh with me after a single dance which caused me to set off a miniature earthquake! Not my fault!" Éclair protested causing the Shinobi Councils jaws to drop at how much power the small preteen must've had if she accidently set off a small earthquake while dancing!

"Yeah the small earthquake may have been an accident but you sent that guy flying twenty feet off the ground and through a stone and metal door hard enough to break it and still leave an impression of him in the wall behind it." Eclipse said snorting in amusement at the look on everyones faces while Éclair pouted at her adorably again.

"He was trying to get fresh with me after one dance! Not to mention him going on about Fate and true love at first site and all this other bullshit." Éclair exclaimed defensively causing Eclipse to snicker in amusement while the others merely gaped harder. Haishi made a mental note to break his nephew Neji of his Fate spiel before he met the Fox container. He actually _liked_ having his nephew in one piece instead of hundreds.


	2. Chapter 2

**Naruto and Kiddy Grade Crossover**

**By: FunahoMisaki**

**(A/N: I own nothing and this will be an OOC FEM!Naruto with some bashings.)**

"Team Seven is-" Iruka cut off as there was a loud shout heard from outside.

"Where are you you stupid lipstick whore?!" A woman was heard shouting causing everyone to look out the windows while Éclair laughed.

"Up here you physcotic power hungry Bitch!" Éclair shouted back causing everyone to turn towards her in confusion or shock. They had all been shocked when Éclair danced into the room earlier, not wearing her usual jumpsuit and instead wearing a blood red battle dress that showed she was a female…they were even more shocked to learn that she had always been a female…and had been recently adopted by a new clan head here in Konoha. Her name was now Éclair Montague-Fuhen.

"Time for our rematch you dominatrix wannabe!" A blue haired woman with blue eyes said as she glared at Éclair after literally jumping up to the second story window and standing on the window sill as calmly as any ninja could.

"You're on ya old hag!" Éclair said smirking while the blue haired woman had a sudden aura of impending death and doom around her.

"You are dead for that one, you miniature donut stick." The blue haired woman said causing Éclair to gain a similar aura of death and impending malice around her.

"Hold on now! I wanted to fight this no name loser first!" Sasuke Uchiha said glaring at both of the girls who shot him matching glares that made him shiver slightly in his shoes, but his pride would not let him back down.

"This 'no named loser' as you called her, can snap you like a twig little boy. So shut up, sit down and watch the big kids play." The blue haired woman said defending the very girl who she had been trading insults with just a second ago.

"I doubt that! I'm an Uchiha! An elite! She's just-"

"The rookie of the year considering she scored a perfect score in every class and managed to take out a chunin traitor." Iruka said causing everyone to at are at him except for most of the clan children who actually knew Éclair and weren't surprised in the least at her scores.

"Her scores are on par with Itachi's when he was in the academy. The only reason she didn't graduate sooner was because she has too much Chakra for the illusionary clone technique, and instead had to use a more advanced clone." Iruka finished while everyone stared at him or Éclair in shock and disbelief.

"Fight me dobe! Now!" Sasuke demanded causing Éclair to shrug as she sent a fist at him at superhuman speeds. He was too slow to move away causing Éclair's fist to stop right in front of his forehead.

"You lose." Éclair said simply as she flicked one finger up quickly, knocking Sasuke clear through several walls and out of the building.

"Now leave me the hell alone!" Éclair shouted after him while everyone stared at her except for the woman she had been talking with.

"Nice shot Clair." A guy said with an appreciative whistle, causing Éclair's whole face to light up as she spun around on her heel.

"Dledum!" Éclair said launching herself at the black haired red eyed teen that appeared out of nowhere, and easily caught the girl who hugged him tightly around the neck.

"Where have you been you idiot!?" Éclair said although you could tell by her voice that she was happy as she hugged the guy around the neck.

"Hmm here, there, on a mission or two, and looking for you. Sis and I got a message from boss lady that you'd be here so I came to visit you, Éclair." The guy said smiling softly down at Éclair who blushed slightly but hugged him again anyways.

"Oh how the mighty have fallen. The strongest person I know is reduced to a mere shadow of her former self when around Tweedledumb." The blue haired girl said interrupting the sweet moment with a smirk on her face, although she had to quickly dodge under a chair that Éclair had thrown at her.

"Shut the hell up Alv! We were having a moment there!" Éclair said glaring at the newly minted Alv who snickered slightly.

"Yeah I know that's why I interrupted it. Boss lady gave me specific orders to intervene if you two looked ready to do anything more than hug, and you two were pushing the limit there. Plus it's fun to interrupt your little moments since they don't happen often enough." Alv said with a smirk and a cross of her arms, causing Éclair to scowl.

"Damnitt. I need to let mom know that I don't need a freaking shadow guard dog. I can take care of myself and pull myself out of one of mine and dledum's moments whenever I want." Éclair said crossing her arms angrily over her chest as she scowled, causing Alv and Tweedledumb to chuckle in amusement.

"Anyways. Team 7 is Éclair Uzumaki-Fuhen, Sasuke Uchia, and Sakura Haruno. Your Jonin sensei's are Kakashi Hatake, and Eclipse Fuhen." Iruka said with a cough to break things up before something else started up that would distract everyone.

"Shit she's gonna blow!" Kiba said plugging his ears while Alv broke out laughing at that, as well as how pissed off Éclair seemed at the names of her teammates.

"From what I gathered she's probably very good at that." Alv snickered with a perverted leer, causing Tweedledumb to blush slightly while Éclair didn't hear the blue haired absorber over the amount of curse words she was spewing loudly, all of them aimed at the council and hokage for sticking her with duck ass and howler whore.

"Well if you're done now. Team seven with me please." An amused females voice said at the door, causing everyone to look in that direction while Éclair breathed heavily as she finished cursing. Most of the guys felt like choking on their tongues. There was a beautiful woman with short spikey light blond hair, warm dancing blue eyes, and fair skin wearing a blue tank top and dark blue skirt with a pair of heels on her feet as she leaned against the door frame staring at Éclair with an amused smile on her fetching pink lips.

"Where are the other two members of the team?" The woman asked smiling at Éclair who jabbed one thumb at the wall Sasuke was thrown through before pointing at Sakura.

"Duck ass pissed me off and got thrown through a few walls. Howler whore is just sitting there like a dumbass." Éclair said causing Alv and half of the clan heirs to snort in amusement while the woman shook her head fondly.

"E-Excuse me but who are you?" Iruka asked with a slight blush on his cheeks, causing the woman to laugh lightly before introducing herself. Her introduction caused most boys to pout at the fact that she had a daughter and husband.

"I? I am one of Team seven's sensei's. I am the head of my clan, and I am Éclair's new mother considering my husband and I adopted her recently. My name is Eclipse Fuhen."


End file.
